Jessica and the Jarhead (The Alphabet Crew) by Tilly Lebeck

Author:Tilly Lebeck [Lebeck, Tilly]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2024-06-02T00:00:00+00:00

“Why did you end it?” I ripped the band-aid off after dinner. The question had been stewing for years and every effort I’ve made to let her warm up to me this weekend had been met with more resistance and not less. I probably should have kept it to myself, but the words were out of my mouth before I could swallow them down again. If I was going to fuck up, I might as well fuck up royally, I guess.

“What?” She asked. She went still, her arm no longer brushed mine while we washed and dried dishes.

“Why did you break up with me?” I pressed. She wasn’t getting out of this. I needed an answer.

“Oh, you know,” she said evasively. “It just wouldn’t have worked.” Her voice was higher than usual as she carefully went back to washing a plate, staunchly refusing to look my way.

“No.” I turned towards her, putting the dish down I was holding so I wouldn’t accidentally break it in frustration. “I don’t know. Enlighten me.”

“Do we really have to go over this?” She stopped pretending to wash dishes and finally turned to look at me.

“Yes.” She seemed to realize just how close we were and her eyes widened at the proximity. I didn’t back away, though.

“I just — I don’t think — we were so young.” She stammered out her excuses, like she was grasping for whatever one might placate me rather than saying the truth.

“What does young have to do with anything? I loved you.” I didn’t need to tell her it was present tense love and not past tense. Not yet. “We could have made it work.”

“I don’t want to talk about this.” She didn’t take her eyes off me, but the panicked look in them sliced through me. It wasn’t enough to deter me, though.

“So I’m not allowed to know why you ripped my heart out?” I struggled to keep my voice low and calm at this point. She may not want to talk about it, but I sure as hell wanted an explanation. This wasn’t just her story. She didn’t get to dictate it, with no consideration for me.

“I had to,” she whispered.

“What do you mean, you had to?”

“I just did.” She took a step back from me and eyed the front door. This woman was infuriating. She would not shut this down. Not now.

“Why?” I pushed her more. I stepped towards her again. She wasn’t going to run from this again. She wasn’t going to run from me.

“Because I’m not allowed to be happy!” She shouted at me. My whole body stilled at that declaration. We stood close enough that her chest brushed my own as it rose and fell with her rapid breathing.

“What?” My voice was low and dangerous and her eyes widened at the sound. Whoever taught her that was going to see just how dangerous I could be.

“I mean — I didn’t — I, Forget I said that.” She fumbled for a moment as she backed away from me.

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